As a person who is working on some large-scale institutional reports, I'm a big fan of this. (H/t @frankrebecca.)

“Mexico is among the world’s chief contributors to the ongoing magical realist crisis, as it remains the country with the highest number of deceiving uncles whose visits to their extended families are presaged by strong, icy north winds in the middle of summer, which can damage infrastructure and sharply disrupt transcontinental weather patterns,” said U.N. analyst Alison Nguyen. “But many other countries are suffering as well, ranging from Venezuela, whose potable water supply diminishes every time a river dries up and leaves an impassable mountain range in its place, to Chile, where an entire state’s ecosystem was recently blighted by an ever-blossoming mango tree that grew thousands of feet into the clouds above the grave where Mama Rosita was buried.”

“We must act now, before the rainy season,” Nguyen added. “That’s when Mama Rosita’s temper always flared.”